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The British Soft Boy will be sweet. The British Soft Boy will not hurt you. He is made to be streamed; you will enjoy spending several hours with him and his soft British life. It helps that Asa Butterfield has the eyes of someone who looks as if he was replaced as a small child by faeries who use the fancy spelling of the word.

Gay rights: Britain's changing attitudes

A dorky guy who talks about sex? A dorky guy who talks about sex with an accent, which means he calls it shagging? How sweet! The British Soft Boy is often in peril, more complicated than he seems, and relies on you, the viewer, to understand him. Often, a key element of the British Soft Boy is the sense of gratification to your intelligence, as a viewer, for understanding him in the first place.

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Dev Patel was a British Soft Boy up until he grew out his mane of hair and crossed the line from soft to hot. Daniel Radcliffe taught a generation to crush on Harry Potter, who started soft, got grizzled, and fathered a very soft son, according to Cursed Child. If you are wondering if someone is a British Soft Boy, consider whether they seem like an import from a storybook, a grown-up version of either Artemis Fowl or Edmund, who sold out his family for Turkish delight in the Narnia books.

Whishaw has the awkwardness, approachability, and inherent sense of goodness. Whishaw is also white, and with many of his characters, and with many a Soft Boy in general, his paleness is associated with his essential fragility.

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Here, too, whiteness comes into contact with a Peter Pan syndrome: Although the gay guy in the relationship will try their best to be sympathetic — they know this struggle better than most, after all — it's understandable that their patience will wear thin. The ability to go public about their relationships is very important to many gay men — even if it attracts negativity.

Love With the Proper Dose of Disdain

As a fresher at university, Robin, then 18, fell into a relationship with Dom, Says Robin: He absolutely had per cent control over things; the code of conduct imposed on us was coming from him, not me. Robin decided he would come out, in the hope it would show Dom that it didn't have to be a nightmare. Simon was 17 when his hitherto straight best friend made a move on him.

He would always tell me he wasn't like me, and couldn't be, because he 'had his whole future ahead of him'. The idea that my future was irrelevant and that admitting he was with me would ruin his made me feel worthless and I ended up battling depression for years.

Gay men aren't toys to be practised on. Bisexuality was often the only concession to less binary labels, but is and was often a source of derision among straight and gay people alike, characterised by accusations of greed or indecision.

British royal family's first gay wedding: Lord Mountbatten to marry James Coyle

The closest anyone got for many years was the advent of metrosexuals — basically straight men who used moisturiser and took longer than five minutes to get ready in the morning — and drunk straight women getting off with each other for a dare. And even these were very much about straight people play-acting than any serious comment on evolving sexuality.

Everybody else had to stay in lane, their labels hanging over them. A sign things could be changing, for the better, are men who are comfortable with their status as a man who sleeps with men, and refuse to be bound by labels. Years after his straight-guy experience at uni, Robin somehow once again found himself in the middle of another heterosexual man's coming-out story. At first Robin assumed this was just an ego boost, but when Luke battled depression and none of his female flings were on the scene, Robin found himself as primary source of care and comfort, and feelings grew from there.

And I thought that was adorable, and sensible, and kind of romantic. While some men may both have the strength of character and also the front — and it takes plenty of that, be under no illusion — to reject these labels and still be open, it should be said that labels can sometimes facilitate this. All the time, and not too far away from us, LGBT people are fighting for the right to call themselves LGBT, but for your right to define yourself however you choose — gay, straight, fluid, curious. Just as out gay men have a duty to protect themselves from others forcing their own will upon them, maybe those refusing to conform should acknowledge their sacrifice and honour them by supporting the gay and bi brothers who keep their secrets.


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