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But, I mean, when you have a team that is expected to compete for a championship, of course the media is going to be there and read into everything. I understand the media [side of things], but I definitely think it was blown out of proportion. Kawhi Leonard could leave the San Antonio Spurs — but where is he most likely to go?

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I know it was tough for him. Not being able to play basketball is hard. This is all we know. It's just a lot. On one hand, this is kind of great because you get to weed out a lot of clunkers you wouldn't want to spend time with.

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On the other hand, it sucks because there's less for you to discover from spending actual, in-person time with him. You can be having a great conversation with a guy online, then, at the slightest suspicion that you are a total queen, you are ghosted. We just need to learn that some guys really are into Britney Spears while others really do love monster trucks, but that doesn't define what they can bring to dating or a relationship.

I've been in all three relationships and neither was perfect, but all provided wonderful learning and growth opportunities. Relationship dynamics are unique. The relationship I want with one man is not exactly the same kind I'd want with another. It's become a thing to hide behind a virtual wall and become something you're not. That's why I prefer meeting someone through mutual friends or activities.

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There aren't any surprises. Why do I need to find a guy at an 'Urban Night? It's like you are a mistress but aren't since you both are single. I understand that people are in very different places in their coming-out process when they are Each guy is at a different place in their gay maturity. Though I respect that, I still want to find someone in a similar place of coming out.


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  7. It can feel like babysitting otherwise. Even though they're absolutely correct, maybe my idea of fun is not being single. I know what 'wild and crazy fun' is out there, but I already got it out of my system. I feel that I'm ready to settle down.


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    So yeah, I have every right to want to be with someone. They're too busy partying, going crazy, sleeping around, or being too narcissistic to care about someone else. I feel like a lot of the younger gays lack empathy and just don't possess the qualities necessary to have a healthy relationship. Everyone seems to have a few screws loose that I've met, and it just doesn't end up working out. In the past couple years, I've dated older men because I wanted a solid, responsible man in my life, but these dates only helped me realize that I'm not ready to be comfortable yet.

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    And while I'm not dating older men now, I can't help but feel immediately disconnected from people my own age. But I want to make one thing clear: There seems to be this assumption, especially when you are more attracted to older guys, that you want something from them because you are a poor twentysomething with no direction.

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